Open Letter to United Airlines
Sunday, February 5, 2012 at 5:12PM 
I’ve been flying a lot again lately and I have noticed another annoying and slightly gross habit that has infected many in the first class cabin of United Airlines. I call out United because that’s the airline I fly so all my pictures are from United flights within the United States. If you want an international rant you’ll have to wait for another day. So now we can add to the list and here’s a recap in case you lost yours; pajamas that don’t fit…ok pajamas in general, dirty pillows, pillow cases as suitcases, McDonald’s food (smells totally different on a plane, trust me), cell phone militants and shouters, suitcases that are the size of a mini Cooper, the gasmatic, the hick, the prick, and fatman too. It’s a hodgepodge of horror that few know like I know. Well today I give you the new in trend for first class travel: the v-hole.

This traveller figures that his bulkhead seat entitles him and/or her to hoist their feet into the air and share the funk with the rest of us locked in the trunk that is an airline cabin these days. Perhaps now I am getting old because this really bothers me on many levels. Let’s dig in…

Ok v-hole you are in public AND sitting in First Class! Act like a snob not a slob, you are bringing all of our false pretense down to CMT levels. Ok v-hole wear some respectable socks. Ok v-hole wear socks! Is it really that hard to sit in the larger seat sipping free booze and scowling that those who dare to break the curtain to use “our” bathroom. Sit down coachy and wait for the pay drink cart to roll by, this bathroom is for this cabin, weren’t you listening at the beginning? Oh nice, he’s wearing sock to the airplane bathroom, soak up the good times with those Sham-Wow socks you got buster. Did I mention I hate flying now?

The other angle I can’t figure out is when did the public go so “private”? People dress and behave like their personal space exists where ever they happen to be. Using my best old guy voice; when I was young we had a thing called manners and outside clothes. I guess that is old fashioned but at least I didn’t have to see what I see almost everyday now. The people with least amount of stuff to show off hang it all out in the worst possible ways. Screaming into cell phones as they drag two pillow cases full of stretch pants and or flannel and Old Spice they woddle onto the plane staring blankly back and forth from their ticket to the seat numbers and letter posted inside the plane. Then they pull out the McDonalds and apologize as their laundry tumbles out of the overhead during take off. Am I painting a picture too terrible to bear?

So maybe its not all about the feet, maybe they are the tip of the stinkburg that is flying in the US these days. Since I have a handy camera on my phone it is now easier than ever to capture some of the fun at 30,000 feet. In the end I have to blame United because they are so afraid of losing a $300 ticket to say anything. As a passenger it is a dicey move to confront a fellow passenger unless they pose an actual danger to the aircraft. So we sit and stink. Kind of like the Occupy-holes but that too is another rant for another day.

Peace and Leftcoastlove!
Sean Wheatley | Comments Off | 











